IT amazes me how sages are always spot on. In many African traditions, for example, there is a saying that, “If a child cries for a blade,” all you have to do is just hand it over. That way the child will learn that blades are not to mess with. Please, don't hand your tot a blade. It's just a saying.

To many people, the signing of the EAC protocol that paves the way for the establishment of a common market is the blade the political elite across this region has been crying for. According to most country surveys, most citizens of this region - as opposed to their leaders – view the EAC unity with suspicions. Personally, I don't.

Since the creation of an EAC common market last week, I have been digesting possible scenarios that could come into play when free movement of capital, labour, poverty, crime, fake goods, con men, genocide, corruption and all sorts of vice become fully operational.

There are many positives to be gained though. These I will discuss later. For now, I have to agree that as a region, and as Africans, this is a huge risk we're taking. We have laid a marker that could breed the greatest fallout in East Africa or prove yet to be a rallying call for the whole continent to unite. Either way, it is a virtuoso performance from our leaders.
 
Already word on the street is that Sudan and DRC are dying of envy and as a result are begging to play ball too. Although we're still scared of what is happening in Darfur and Gisenyi, we're still pondering those countries' requests.

I can only imagine what's going on in most of our leaders' minds. This is surely the beginning of a coalition of thieves. Can you imagine how devastating a Tag Team of Kamlesh Pattni, Somaiya and Sailesh Vithlani can be?  Boy, aren't these dubious people cherishing the possibilities ahead? Now the likes of Kenya's Pattni won't have to prove where they got tonnes of gold worth billions. They'll just point towards DRC.

For these people this is the best opportunity to expand their Richmonds, Kiwiras, Anglo Leasings and Goldenbergs to the oilfields of Sudan and the diamond black markets of the Congo. Their hearts must be singing with joy right now.

God forbid, we hope that even as our leaders seek to feed their egos in the name of  spreading the love around, we don't fall into the habit of taking up to fundamentalism and devouring monkey fillets. We hope that this EAC will bring the best out of all of us. We hope that there will be tolerance to criticism and freedom of the media.

We hope that we will have the freedom to cross over to the land of Emilio, as free members of the Fourth Estate, and insult the media and the head of state in that country. We will point out for example that leaders in that country are an aloof bunch who see nothing nor hear anything as tribal minions slash, burn and plunder a decent nation.

And for the journalists in the land of Nyayo, we will say, “You may ridicule us for licking the boots of our prezzo, but we’re freer than the lot of you who let a woman slap you around like retarded children.” We will add that “the media in your country is a medley of tribal platforms of ethnic incitement that deserve a permanent gag.” 

We hope that we are spared of a black eye from Mama Lucy who might not be pleased with what we might have to say about her.

We hope that we can also cross over to the land of Kaguta and pour cold water on his ambitious dream of becoming EAC’s first head of state. We hope that now that we are one people, he will be able to take criticism like a gentleman.

We will sit him down and say: “Mzee unaumiza kichwa bure. We are sorry to say this, but we think you’ve missed the train. As a matter of fact, your whole version of democracy sucks big time” .

We will look him straight in the eye and add: “Your Excellency, since you followed up your ambition to be president for life by changing the constitution of your country, we take almost all your pronouncements as reeking of mischief.”

While in Rwanda, we will want to know whether there is an opposition party in that country ama ni porojo tu. EAC leaders better get ready for the dress down!